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Keisha - Sacred Sensual Healer and

Certified tantra educator

My Blog

Blog

HOW TO HAVE A GREAT SENSUAL EXPERIENCE

Posted on March 29, 2011 at 4:07 PM
When I was quite young and I was just learning about sexuality, I remember that a complaint that women used to have about men is that they were discourteous lovers and they just got on and “did their business” and got off.  They didn’t pay attention to whether the woman was having a good experience.

Well, times have changed and so have men.  I have witnessed that, in general, today’s man, is a much more sexually thoughtful man. They truly care if the woman they are having sex with is enjoying herself too. They want to please her.  They want to make her come.

However, I have noticed that the pendulum has swung in the completely opposite direction.  I have often encountered the fact that many men have attached their self esteem, in relation to sex, as to whether or not they make a woman come, rather than being in the moment and just enjoying whatever unfolds.  I have experienced that men are often plagued with performance anxiety.  They think that they know what they need to do to make the woman happy, and when they don’t perform to the ideal in their head, they feel bad about themselves.

This is what I called goal oriented sex, or performance oriented sex, and it can really ruin what could be a wonderful sensual experience.

I have come to discover that often, when I’m with a man, he has the idea in his head that what will please me is if he can perform sexually the way my co-workers and I perform in my movies.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  The sex that I have on camera is a formulaic performance sex, designed to stimulate the watcher.  But the kind of sex that I have on camera is not the kind of sex I enjoy when I’m off camera.

When I am in private with a man, I like to think of sex as a full body massage that includes the genitals.  I like it to start slowly and sensually.  One of my favorite things to do is to give a man a wonderful cock massage with my mouth.  This is much different than the kinds of blow job that you see on camera, and if I did this type of oral sex on in a movie, it would be boring to watch because it is not obvious from the outside what I am doing with my mouth on the inside.  

I touch my warm wet tongue to his cock.  I slowly and gently explore his cock with my tongue and I get his cock nice and moist with my mouth.  I subtly massage his cock with my tongue.  I gently swipe my tongue back and forth across his frenulum, which is a very sensitive part of the cock.  I intuitively explore his cock with my mouth.  There is no formula for this type of massage, it is all about responding to the moment.  I can sense what is pleasurable to his cock in that moment.  I pay attention to my tongue, and if it feels pleasurable my tongue, it is highly likely that it is pleasurable to him.

I allow the moment to direct me as to how this gentle cock massage will go.  Sometimes it progresses to a more vigorous course of action, either sucking harder, or using both my hand and mouth in an up and down motion to give greater stimulation.  And sometimes it stays soft, subtle and quiet and the man floats in a state of orgasmic pleasure.  Some times it ends in orgasm, some times it does not.  Sometimes it leads to sex, sometimes it does not.

What is important is that we both stay in the moment, let go of any preconceived ideas of where this should lead and enjoy the pleasure that we are giving each other in each moment.

Like I said earlier, often men will have their sexual self esteem connected to a preconceived goal in their head, which is usually that they want to give a woman an orgasm - and in this case I’m talking specifically about me.  I have found that because of this desire to give pleasure, men sometimes have a hard time just laying back and being a good receiver.  Well, I’m here to tell you that you are naked in bed with me, it is totally ok, to relax and allow yourself to be a good receiver for some of the time we are together.  I get a lot of pleasure out of giving you pleasure.  So when you relax and allow yourself to be a good receiver, you are also giving me pleasure.

Once I was with a lovely man and I was giving him one of my wonderful cock massages with my mouth.  He was having a wonderful time, writhing in an orgasmic state. The energy passing between us was wonderful.  And then he expressed that he was disappointed because he really wanted to make me happy sexually, and he felt like he was failing to please me because we weren’t having sex like I have in the movies.

I was so heartbroken for him.  Here we were in the moment having an absolutely wonderful time.  The last thing I wanted in that moment was to perform sex like I do in the movies.  The warmth and sensuality that we were sharing with each other was absolutely exquisite.  I wanted for nothing more than what arose between us in the moment.  I felt that the evening was perfect and I was completely happy, satisfied and content.  I felt so bad that he was criticizing himself for not performing for me the way that he thought I wanted.

So my lovely dear men, I invite you to let go of your preconceived ideas of what you think will please a woman, and focus on the experience in front of you.  Allow it to unfold organically and just do what feels good in the moment.  

I invite you to let go of goal and performance oriented sex.  Goal and performance oriented sex often leads to performance anxiety, which leads to an inability to perform.  I think that it is wonderful that you want to please the woman you are with.  But let go of your preconceived ideas of what that should look like and pay attention to how she is responding in the moment.  Pay attention to her sounds.  If she is making sounds of pleasure, then do more of that.  If she is not making pleasure sounds then maybe try something different.

Start with slow subtle touch and just see where it goes.  Sometimes it will end up in really hot sex that resembles what you see in the movies.  But sometimes you can give each other amazing pleasure to each other in a softer, more subtle way.  I believe that most people on the planet completely underestimate the exquisite pleasure that can be derived from soft subtle touch.  You never see this type of sexuality on camera, because, frankly, it would be very boring to watch.  What feels good, doesn’t necessarily translate to being stimulating to watch, and what looks great on camera and very stimulating to watch, often is not what feels good in private.

Also, I feel it is important to share that when I am with a man, I am not comparing him to any other man.  The two of us are creating a unique sensual experience that only the two of us will share, and it is going to be completely different than any other experience that I have created with any other person.  So there is no reason to feel that you have to perform like the men that you have imagined that I’ve been with, or the men that you’ve seen me on camera with and are comparing yourself and your performance to.

I truly don’t want you to perform.  I want you to relax and allow us to create a unique sensual, sexual experience that will not be compared to any other, it is unique to us.  We can focus on bringing each other pleasure in the way that unfolds for us in the moment.  And that may not look like any thing you have experienced before, and it may not look like what you have seen in the movies.  What is important is having a energetic sensual connection and responding to the moment and doing what makes us feel good in that moment.  Each time we are with each other, it will be a unique expression of sexuality, not to be compared to anything else.

Lots of Lust,
Keisha

Categories: Sex Education For Grown Ups

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33 Comments

Reply donholmes
7:08 PM on March 31, 2011 
My Beautiful Lady,

It's about 9:30 pm and it's a starry night here in Iraq. I'm sitting here in my living quarters having just got off from a long duty day and I just finished reading the sincerely heartfelt words in your post. I was so completely aroused and I swear I could hear your sweet voice in my head as I read each word. However, the more I continued to read, I began to realize that the words sounded so familiar because they were the same sweet things you said to me in our conversation during our last blissful encounter. I was so very moved...and, although I don't want to be so presumptuous to think that our encounter alone was the inspiration for your post - or that you were talking about me at all; but in a way, I felt like it was intended for me to see. I, along with many of the other men on this site I'm sure - whether they want to admit it or not - want you to know how meaningful it is for a real woman of beauty, class, style, maturity, grace, intelligence and sensuality such as yourself to share such a thoughtful, patient and passionate expression of gratitude and understanding. Even if it had nothing to do with me...I'm grateful that you would take the time to share your thoughts and your words touched my heart more than you could ever know. I hope you read and enjoyed my review of our encounter and felt the same level of sincerity from me that was so very clear in yout post. My thoughts of you and memories of the time we've spent together make me smile...and make it easier to cope when times here become challenging. You are the best and I so look foward to seeing you again when I return. Stay beautiful...always!
Reply Keisha
10:12 PM on April 5, 2011 
donholmes says...
My Beautiful Lady,

It's about 9:30 pm and it's a starry night here in Iraq. I'm sitting here in my living quarters having just got off from a long duty day and I just finished reading the sincerely heartfelt words in your post. I was so completely aroused and I swear I could hear your sweet voice in my head as I read each word. However, the more I continued to read, I began to realize that the words sounded so familiar because they were the same sweet things you said to me in our conversation during our last blissful encounter. I was so very moved...and, although I don't want to be so presumptuous to think that our encounter alone was the inspiration for your post - or that you were talking about me at all; but in a way, I felt like it was intended for me to see. I, along with many of the other men on this site I'm sure - whether they want to admit it or not - want you to know how meaningful it is for a real woman of beauty, class, style, maturity, grace, intelligence and sensuality such as yourself to share such a thoughtful, patient and passionate expression of gratitude and understanding. Even if it had nothing to do with me...I'm grateful that you would take the time to share your thoughts and your words touched my heart more than you could ever know. I hope you read and enjoyed my review of our encounter and felt the same level of sincerity from me that was so very clear in yout post. My thoughts of you and memories of the time we've spent together make me smile...and make it easier to cope when times here become challenging. You are the best and I so look foward to seeing you again when I return. Stay beautiful...always!

Yes my love, you were definitely the inspiration for this writing. It had been brewing in my mind for the last month since I saw you last. I am so glad that you saw this. I was actually going to send it to you via mail. But I'm glad you saw it here.

I felt so bad that you had thought that I wanted something different that the beautiful experience we were having in that moment, and I realized that I wanted to write something to let the lovely men that come to see me that I am not expecting them to perform like some guy in a porn movie.

It is enough to just experience the pleasure we give each other in that moment, how ever it arises. As I looked back on previous play play dates I have had, I realized that it is a common thing for the lovely men who come to see me to have these unrealistic expectations of what they think our encounter should look like and what they think I want them to do to me sexually.

I'm so glad that I got to spend time with you before you left for Iraq. I had a wonderful evening. It was delightful, it was perfect, it was lovely, it was deliciously sensual. I very much enjoyed your company. I hope to see you again once your tour of duty is over.

Hugs and Kisses,
Keisha
Reply daniel
1:07 AM on April 27, 2011 
Hey Keisha, always great to hear from you. Will you ever come back to porn like the legends Nina Hartley and Ginger Lynn? I'd love to see you come back and flaunt your heavenly body around. Also that's a lot of text for you to type up, wouldn't it be easier for you to set up a video blog on youtube and speak into a cam? I Love you, sweetheart!
Reply Keisha
12:42 AM on September 3, 2011 
daniel says...
Hey Keisha, always great to hear from you. Will you ever come back to porn like the legends Nina Hartley and Ginger Lynn? I'd love to see you come back and flaunt your heavenly body around. Also that's a lot of text for you to type up, wouldn't it be easier for you to set up a video blog on youtube and speak into a cam? I Love you, sweetheart!

Hi there,

I will probably return to working in front of the camera again in the spring or summer of 2012.

And yes, I will eventually do a video blog. But I will continue to write a blog because writing is so much fun.

Lots of Lust,
Keisha
Reply José
8:57 AM on September 12, 2011 
Hi Keisha, Would you like to work in front of the camera in Europe?. I´ve some projects and i Would like yo know your opinion. Kiss and lust.
Reply Cerys
12:38 PM on September 23, 2011 
Hi Keisha, i wish you could come to the uk and teach me a few things.. Cerys
Reply José Ricardo
7:06 PM on October 29, 2011 
Reply NIcholas V
11:56 AM on November 23, 2011 
Thank you Keisha for talking about how orgasms are not the end all to a sexual experience. I agree with you 100%. I know you are a Scorpio like me and this has been a philosophy of mine for years. You are a beautiful woman inside and out.
Reply keisha
8:38 PM on December 15, 2011 
José says...
Hi Keisha, Would you like to work in front of the camera in Europe?. I´ve some projects and i Would like yo know your opinion. Kiss and lust.

Unfortunately because of the commitments I have here in Los Angeles, I am unable to travel at this time. Thank you for thinking of me.



Lots of Lust,
Keisha
Reply Keisha
8:40 PM on December 15, 2011 
Cerys says...
Hi Keisha, i wish you could come to the uk and teach me a few things.. Cerys

I've been to London a few times and loved it. I would love to go there again, but at this time I have no plans for travel.



Lots of Lust,
Keisha
Reply Keisha
8:41 PM on December 15, 2011 
José Ricardo says...
Hi keisha happy birthday to you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVUX3-lgblo&feature=related

Thank you! I had a wonderful birthday (October 25).



Lots of Lust,
Keisha
Reply Keisha
8:42 PM on December 15, 2011 
NIcholas V says...
Thank you Keisha for talking about how orgasms are not the end all to a sexual experience. I agree with you 100%. I know you are a Scorpio like me and this has been a philosophy of mine for years. You are a beautiful woman inside and out.

Thank you for your compliments Nicholas. I'm so happy to know that you have realized that sex can be so much more than having the goal to get to orgasm! There's so much sensuality to be explored.



Lots of lust,
Keisha
Reply Rob
8:08 AM on December 25, 2011 
Now this, my friends, is a REAL woman. I've admired Keisha for many years as I viewed her work but never had a clue that she had such depth of thought and character. With our current culture telling us otherwise, it's so good to hear from someone of her stature that an "average Joe" like me can actually give a real woman a pleasurable sexual experience without being endowed like a porn star. Thanks so much for your advice and kind words to us all.
Reply Keisha
12:25 AM on December 30, 2011 
Rob says...
Now this, my friends, is a REAL woman. I've admired Keisha for many years as I viewed her work but never had a clue that she had such depth of thought and character. With our current culture telling us otherwise, it's so good to hear from someone of her stature that an "average Joe" like me can actually give a real woman a pleasurable sexual experience without being endowed like a porn star. Thanks so much for your advice and kind words to us all.

Hi Rob,

Thank you for your compliments.

It is very easy to get caught up in the societal view that sex should be performed in a certain way and that in order to enjoy your sexuality, you should look a certain way, and have a certain type of endowment.

It's important for each of us to appreciate that we are all entitled to sexual expression. It is part of being human. You don't have to look a certain way or act a certain way, or have a particular type of endowment to deserve to be sexual.

I'm here to facilitate that connection with your sexuality and the enjoyment of it.

Lots of Lust,
Keisha
Reply GLRENO
4:11 AM on January 2, 2012 
Hey Keisha, Glad to see your website up. I think often about the wonderful night I had with you and still hope I can get to see you again. If you're ever in Reno let me know.
Reply Aaron
3:03 AM on January 24, 2012 
Hi Keisha, just wanted to know that it is great to see you. I have been an avid fan for many years and can only remember your name from my early 80's fan club. Great to see you and hope you are doing well.

Aaron

Reply Keisha
4:07 AM on January 24, 2012 
GLRENO says...
Hey Keisha, Glad to see your website up. I think often about the wonderful night I had with you and still hope I can get to see you again. If you're ever in Reno let me know.

Hi Grey, So nice to hear from you. I might be going to Carson City in May to visit a friend. Maybe I could stop and see you in Reno. Let me know if you want to make that happen.

Lots of lust,
Keisha
Reply Keisha
4:07 AM on January 24, 2012 
Aaron says...
Hi Keisha, just wanted to know that it is great to see you. I have been an avid fan for many years and can only remember your name from my early 80's fan club. Great to see you and hope you are doing well.

Aaron

Thank you Aaron.

Lots of Lust,
Keisha
Reply john
8:26 PM on January 24, 2012 
my favorite adult girl ever .. sexy face banging body turn on times ten
Reply Jerry
9:56 PM on February 8, 2012 
Keisha, I wanted to say that you are my favorite adult film actress and enjoy your movies. I don't know how much you travel but if you ever are in the Cleveland, Oh area make sure you send me an E-Mail as I would hesitate to have a fantasy fulfilled with you with a 2 hour encounter. :-)