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Keisha - Sacred Sensual Healer and

Certified tantra educator

My Blog



Posted on March 29, 2011 at 4:07 PM Comments comments (142)
When I was quite young and I was just learning about sexuality, I remember that a complaint that women used to have about men is that they were discourteous lovers and they just got on and “did their business” and got off.  They didn’t pay attention to whether the woman was having a good experience.

Well, times have changed and so have men.  I have witnessed that, in general, today’s man, is a much more sexually thoughtful man. They truly care if the woman they are having sex with is enjoying herself too. They want to please her.  They want to make her come.

However, I have noticed that the pendulum has swung in the completely opposite direction.  I have often encountered the fact that many men have attached their self esteem, in relation to sex, as to whether or not they make a woman come, rather than being in the moment and just enjoying whatever unfolds.  I have experienced that men are often plagued with performance anxiety.  They think that they know what they need to do to make the woman happy, and when they don’t perform to the ideal in their head, they feel bad about themselves.

This is what I called goal oriented sex, or performance oriented sex, and it can really ruin what could be a wonderful sensual experience.

I have come to discover that often, when I’m with a man, he has the idea in his head that what will please me is if he can perform sexually the way my co-workers and I perform in my movies.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  The sex that I have on camera is a formulaic performance sex, designed to stimulate the watcher.  But the kind of sex that I have on camera is not the kind of sex I enjoy when I’m off camera.

When I am in private with a man, I like to think of sex as a full body massage that includes the genitals.  I like it to start slowly and sensually.  One of my favorite things to do is to give a man a wonderful cock massage with my mouth.  This is much different than the kinds of blow job that you see on camera, and if I did this type of oral sex on in a movie, it would be boring to watch because it is not obvious from the outside what I am doing with my mouth on the inside.  

I touch my warm wet tongue to his cock.  I slowly and gently explore his cock with my tongue and I get his cock nice and moist with my mouth.  I subtly massage his cock with my tongue.  I gently swipe my tongue back and forth across his frenulum, which is a very sensitive part of the cock.  I intuitively explore his cock with my mouth.  There is no formula for this type of massage, it is all about responding to the moment.  I can sense what is pleasurable to his cock in that moment.  I pay attention to my tongue, and if it feels pleasurable my tongue, it is highly likely that it is pleasurable to him.

I allow the moment to direct me as to how this gentle cock massage will go.  Sometimes it progresses to a more vigorous course of action, either sucking harder, or using both my hand and mouth in an up and down motion to give greater stimulation.  And sometimes it stays soft, subtle and quiet and the man floats in a state of orgasmic pleasure.  Some times it ends in orgasm, some times it does not.  Sometimes it leads to sex, sometimes it does not.

What is important is that we both stay in the moment, let go of any preconceived ideas of where this should lead and enjoy the pleasure that we are giving each other in each moment.

Like I said earlier, often men will have their sexual self esteem connected to a preconceived goal in their head, which is usually that they want to give a woman an orgasm - and in this case I’m talking specifically about me.  I have found that because of this desire to give pleasure, men sometimes have a hard time just laying back and being a good receiver.  Well, I’m here to tell you that you are naked in bed with me, it is totally ok, to relax and allow yourself to be a good receiver for some of the time we are together.  I get a lot of pleasure out of giving you pleasure.  So when you relax and allow yourself to be a good receiver, you are also giving me pleasure.

Once I was with a lovely man and I was giving him one of my wonderful cock massages with my mouth.  He was having a wonderful time, writhing in an orgasmic state. The energy passing between us was wonderful.  And then he expressed that he was disappointed because he really wanted to make me happy sexually, and he felt like he was failing to please me because we weren’t having sex like I have in the movies.

I was so heartbroken for him.  Here we were in the moment having an absolutely wonderful time.  The last thing I wanted in that moment was to perform sex like I do in the movies.  The warmth and sensuality that we were sharing with each other was absolutely exquisite.  I wanted for nothing more than what arose between us in the moment.  I felt that the evening was perfect and I was completely happy, satisfied and content.  I felt so bad that he was criticizing himself for not performing for me the way that he thought I wanted.

So my lovely dear men, I invite you to let go of your preconceived ideas of what you think will please a woman, and focus on the experience in front of you.  Allow it to unfold organically and just do what feels good in the moment.  

I invite you to let go of goal and performance oriented sex.  Goal and performance oriented sex often leads to performance anxiety, which leads to an inability to perform.  I think that it is wonderful that you want to please the woman you are with.  But let go of your preconceived ideas of what that should look like and pay attention to how she is responding in the moment.  Pay attention to her sounds.  If she is making sounds of pleasure, then do more of that.  If she is not making pleasure sounds then maybe try something different.

Start with slow subtle touch and just see where it goes.  Sometimes it will end up in really hot sex that resembles what you see in the movies.  But sometimes you can give each other amazing pleasure to each other in a softer, more subtle way.  I believe that most people on the planet completely underestimate the exquisite pleasure that can be derived from soft subtle touch.  You never see this type of sexuality on camera, because, frankly, it would be very boring to watch.  What feels good, doesn’t necessarily translate to being stimulating to watch, and what looks great on camera and very stimulating to watch, often is not what feels good in private.

Also, I feel it is important to share that when I am with a man, I am not comparing him to any other man.  The two of us are creating a unique sensual experience that only the two of us will share, and it is going to be completely different than any other experience that I have created with any other person.  So there is no reason to feel that you have to perform like the men that you have imagined that I’ve been with, or the men that you’ve seen me on camera with and are comparing yourself and your performance to.

I truly don’t want you to perform.  I want you to relax and allow us to create a unique sensual, sexual experience that will not be compared to any other, it is unique to us.  We can focus on bringing each other pleasure in the way that unfolds for us in the moment.  And that may not look like any thing you have experienced before, and it may not look like what you have seen in the movies.  What is important is having a energetic sensual connection and responding to the moment and doing what makes us feel good in that moment.  Each time we are with each other, it will be a unique expression of sexuality, not to be compared to anything else.

Lots of Lust,

Things Men and Women Should Know About Each Other

Posted on January 28, 2011 at 12:19 PM Comments comments (103)
A lot of the differences between men and women have to do with the differences in the brain.
For instance, women, on the whole, have a keener sense of smell, taste and touch than men.  So it's important for men and women to communicate with each other in regards to their preferences.
Does she like it if you take a shower before playing, or does she like it if you don't?  Ask her.
Women, keep in mind that many of his senses are not as sensitive as yours, so be sure to tell him if odors or tastes bother you.
I am very sensitive to touch, taste and smell.  I like a man to be freshly showered before playing. Most cologne gives me a headache, so I prefer if a man doesn't wear cologne.  I can even be very sensitive to the smell of deodorant, so I prefer that a man uses unscented deodorant.
It's also important to me that a man's breath smell fresh and clean.  One of the smells that I intensely dislike on a man's breath is coffee.  So if you are going to go on a date with me, be sure to not have coffee right before we meet, or if you want to kiss me good night, don't have coffee after your meal.
Men's preferences in regard to smell can vary as well.  One guy that I went out with, loved me to be squeeky clean before sex, which is also how I like to be.  But I've been out with another man who loves my natural body scent and would love to play with me when I came home from the gym all sweaty.  Another man I went out with requested that all my nether regions to "marinate" for at least 24 hours before he saw me, he wanted me to be "ripe.
So it's very important for men and women to communicate with each other in regards to body scents.
Women's skin is ten times more sensitive than mens, so it's important to ask a woman how she likes to be touched.  Her reality may be different than yours.
I am often asked about why women like so much foreplay and men like to get right down to it.
One of the reasons has to do with differences in the brain.  When woman's brain is at "rest", there is actually a massive amount of activity going on in the brain.  And when a man's brain is at rest, the brain activity is relatively quiet.  They have done lots of brain scans on men and women that demonstrate this fact.
Men's brains are always looking for stimulation.  With lower brain activity and higher testosterone levels, it doesn't take a man much to get him going.
Women on the other hand, need to have their brains calmed down in order to get turned on.  So a generous amount of foreplay is needed to help her transition from living in that hyper active multi-tasking brain, to getting her into her body and ready to play.
I have found that what turns me on most is when a guy will massage my entire body and touch every single part of my body before he ever touches my genitals.  In fact the longer he massages me without touching my between my legs, the more excited and wet I get.
I especially love foot massage.  And I found out that one of the reasons for this is because the sensory center in the brain for the feet is right next to the sensory center in the brain for the clitoris.  A good foot massage, always turns me on and turns off my over active brain.
Here's another fact that I found fascinating that has to do with differences between the male and female brain.  Because of the way we evolved, men as hunters, women as gathers, women have much better peripheral vision, and men have better distance vision.  So men get caught looking at another women, much more often than women get caught looking at other men.  When men look at a woman, their head usually turns because their peripheral vision is not so good.  This causes them to get caught looking.  Women can look at another man, but not look as if she is, because she is using her peripheral vision.
Also, men have better night vision, so if you and your partner are driving at night, you might want to let the him do the driving.
For a lot more information regarding the things I've shared here, I recommend the book "Sex on the Brain" by Daniel G. Amen M.D.
sex education, sex therapy, sex with a porn star, sex sex, sex, sex therapy, Keisha, Porn StarKeisha


Posted on January 20, 2011 at 2:18 AM Comments comments (113)
If you want to have a great sex life, don't try to have sex the way we have it in movies. Movie sex is designed for visual stimulation and sexual arousal. What looks good on camera is not always what feels good in real life. Movie sex is genitally focused. But the entire body is an erogenous zone, not just the genitals. Learn to have full body sex. My favorite kind of off camera sex is when sex is like a full body massage that included the genitals and is not just focused on them.